Had my routine checkup yesterday, and everything looks pretty good. Still need to do my STI tests and such, but in general I’m healthy. My blood pressure, in particular, is near optimal, which is a marked improvement over last year, and I think it's due to both eating healthier and the fact that I've started holding walking meetings at work.

I also learned something new about my migraines: some of those things that feel like tension-type headaches (where they start in my neck and move up/forward) are actually more likely migraines. We’ve changed my treatment plan to take the migraine pill first and the standard NSAID painkiller second, even if I'm not sure at first if it's a migraine. The migraine pill is actually probably safer, and it’s overall better for my brain to abort the migraine as soon as possible. (As long as I'm not taking more than 9 per month, which shouldn't be a concern for me.)

I have a newer migraine drug to try, which should hopefully have fewer side effects, and I'm hopeful that changing the strategy will help overall.


Mental health is a different story. My partner has been pushing me to go back into therapy again. I had a discussion with my doctor, and she agrees. I scored in the "moderate" range for both depression and anxiety, despite the previous year-plus of therapy I went through, which ended roughly a year ago.

That's somewhat disappointing, honestly, because it feels like I'm back to right about where I was two years ago. I know that life is a journey, and the road is twisty, narrow, and doubles back on itself a lot, but come on. :^)

I'm more grounded, certainly, but it's also true that I'm still not on solid emotional ground. My excuse so far for not getting back into therapy has been that I'm not sure what it would accomplish—I don't feel like I have a clear problem I can define that I can ask for help with. Plus, I have a lot of good tools for dealing with anxiety and depression, I just don't use them when I should.

But maybe that last bit is the problem. How do I consistently motivate myself over the long term to use the coping skills I have, and maintain the kind/amount of vigilance necessary to realize when and how I need to use them?

Anyway, I'm going to give it some more thought—I'm not entirely convinced it's going to be super helpful for me at this stage, but it can't hurt, either.

— Des

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Des

August 2018

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